Bowling For Watermelons: The Poor Man’s WW”e”
Posted by: Krazy Loop on 11/23/2004

Fans, if we ever wondered just how far a parent will go to insure their child has gainful employment, now we know.

The other day I happened to catch a recent version of the “Jeff Jarrett Hour,” i.e., NWA-TNA. Aside from it being an alternative to McMahon & Company, a truly warm and wonderful bunch as ever existed, the more I watched the more I was struck by the resemblance NWA-TNA bears to the WW”e” as Mexico bears to the United States. In the case of the US, it acts as a safety valve for poor Mexicans living in even poorer conditions, low wages, a burgeoning population, and an even higher unemployment rate. In the case of the WW”e,” NWA-TNA acts as a repository of WW”e” castaways surrounded by other workers who for one reason or another will never make it big.

While I didn’t catch the entire show, I did see Big Lazy and his sidekick Scott “Gin Blossoms” Hall. To put it mildly, Nash badly needs to mug Ms. Clairol and do something about all that gray hair, (like find a rocking chair maybe?) Puffy faced Hall was putting on his finest impression of a dry drunk.

The match between Mark “Johnnie B. Awful” Mero and Raven belongs at the top of the list of “Sorriest Wrestling Matches of All Time.” Without a doubt it was the worst part of the show and it truly stunk. Both men are way past their prime, especially Mero. They stumbled badly around the ring during the entire match. They missed spots and their execution was terrible. Mero needs to quit for good. To his credit he didn’t “pull a Kink” when he split with Sable. Nonetheless, anyone who paid to see this match was ripped off.

As if watching that garbage wasn’t bad enough, at the ending the fans had to suffer through a run-in from a reject from the glue factory in the form of DDP. On his website DDP makes no secret of the fact that he takes acting lessons. He does? Really? He sure fooled me. But then again on his website DDP makes no secret of anything. By now we know that he isn’t going anywhere in his newly adopted career except for low budget biker movies. No one will ever cast him in a serious lead role. Well, they may in “Gone With The Beerfarts,” but never in anything like “Gone With The Wind.”

DDP flattened Raven, as if that took all that much effort, then post-match DDP was shown entering a limo. As I watched I was utterly astounded, all the time thinking: “Where on earth did NWA-TNA get that idea?” Shane Douglas next interviewed DDP who mumbled, not surprisingly, something about his rent not being paid that month. It was sobering to see “The Franchise” reduced to a cheap imitation of Coach. He should probably be renamed something that befits his new station in life, like “The Waterboy” or “Captain Crabs.”

There was one bright spot in the form of Chris Sabin. If nothing else his late show run-in proved the guy has energy and hits his moves.

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