Vince Gives Marching Orders
Posted by: Krazy Loop on 01/27/2004

Fans, this past week Vince McMahon bitched out the troops for allegedly speaking to wrestling's internet fans. As we understand it, he even threatened to fire anyone he discovers engaging in such activities. We understand completely that Vince wants to control his product and the timing of when it is presented to his audience. However, and once again, Vince continues to undermine his credibility.

Let's take a look at what we mean.

1. Independent Contractors.

Almost all WW"e" stars fall into this category, that is until they get to the point where they are told when to work, where to work, what to do, what tools to use or not use, what to say, how to say it, how to look, how to act, what to wear, and basically how to do their jobs. Wait a minute. Did we say jobs? The last time we looked, someone with a job who is completely under the control of someone else is an employee, not an independent contractor.

Independent contractors normally have some modicum of free speech rights. And Vince, we know you make your living working with and amusing Harvard graduates, or at least one of them, but you aren't exactly dealing with or state or even trade secrets, now are you?

2. Credibility.

How can anyone believe a word that emanates from Titan Towers with Linda McMahon perpetually acting like Chicken Little in reverse? The sky is falling in, Mister One-Third of a Billion Dollar and Falling Fast Man, but claiming "it ain't so" or blaming employees for exercising their rights of free speech isn't going to turn things around. You sound like the Captain of the Titanic threatening to fire any seaman who tells a passenger to put on a life preserver.

And fans, no matter how many glowing reports MSN.COM prints about WW"e" stock rising, the fact is that the entire market has gone up about 3,000 points from its low since the middle of the year 2000.

While the WW"e" hates to confuse news about itself with the facts, this time we can't help but notice. We often hear that there are too many performers on the talent roster. Even if we didn't hear it, there are far more wrestlers working for the WW"e" than we see on even a semi-regular basis. Attendance at house shows and gate receipts continue to drop. At the same time the WW"e" just posted a "help wanted" ad for more wrestlers. It doesn't take Ole' JR to figure out what is going to happen. Even Spanky got the message.

ATTENTION ALL WW"E" WORKERS: PLEASE FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH THE LOCATION OF THE EXITS SO THAT YOU MAY LEAVE IN AN ORDERLY FASHION WHEN THE INEVITABLE FINANCIAL EMERGENCY, WHICH IS NOW FAR OVERDUE, STRIKES YOU IN THE ASS.

3. The Product Is Boring.

How many times are we going to see HHH before we just plain get sick of him? How many times a week would you want to eat steak before you didn't want to look at it anymore? This has nothing to do with HHH himself, either as an individual or as a performer. He has done much for wrestling. We are just far too familiar with him and we know he will win every match so why bother to watch anymore? HHH isn't the only wrestler who falls into this category, he just happens to be the one who stands out the most. Paul, do the fans a favor. Go make some hhh's for the next year or two and then return fresh. At the least get out of public view.

Big Show. This guy is purportedly fun to be around but to the fans he is terminally boring. Even when he is "enraged in the ring" no one believes it or cares.

Albert. It is easy to see he works hard and we know he is one hell of a nice man. Nonetheless, he is beyond boring.

Lawler. Can you imagine ABC, MSNBC, or CBS Sports having someone with Lawler's past problems with the law as a front man for their product? No? Neither can we.

PiperNutz. Bringing back losers like that? Vince, where was your brain? You knew what you were in for long before it happened. With moves like that, before long you are going to be known as the Jed Clampett of "sports entertainment."

4. Back To The Beginning.

It sure is nice to know that freedom of speech is alive and well at the Socialist Republic of the WW"e," but Vince, the buck stops with you. You serve shit to the fans and then wonder why they don't want to eat it anymore. Instead of quality performers in matches with believable finishes you give us your family to watch. They seem like very nice people and while we are sure you love them, as wrestlers your family isn't all that good. You give the fans boring matches. You give the fans the same wrestlers over and over again with the same results.

Blaming your personal failures on your workers for speaking or on us for reporting is horseshit and you know it.

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