So what if I don't have a name for this yet...
Posted by: Ryan Smith on 02/12/2004

It’s been a few years since I’ve actually produced a semi-regular column, and I really can’t begin to explain how much I used to completely despise writing them. However, for one reason or another I’ve started to miss it. So today I sat down and figured I’d throw something together real quick. I can’t promise how often this column will appear, but I’m hoping to do it a couple times a month, which I’m sure will eventually turn into once a month and more likely will turn into once every few months. Yeah, I’m lazy, what now?

Oh yeah, I'm also missing a name for this thing. So if you have any ideas, shoot me an email. If I choose yours, you'll probably win something...like...well...no.

The first thing I must admit is that I haven’t watched much professional wrestling lately. Most of my up-keep comes from reading the reviews on the internet and downloading video clips. So while I will not critique the product, (which I hate doing anyway, there’s enough people doing that), I will go over some of the news from the week, as well as the various happenings in the “internet wrestling scene.” I also plan to bring back the infamous “Idiot Mail” feature and I’ll post a bunch of other useless, off topic bullshit that you don’t really care to read, but will because you’re sheep and it’s your nature.

Internet Wrestling Nonsense
To get started, I have to make mention of the divestiture of 1wrestling. This took place a few weeks ago when Bob Ryder “apparently” sold his rights to Joey Styles. It’s now being discussed that it never actually happened. Shortly afterward, Dave Scherer, Buck Woodward and a few others left and began a new website which we will call “1wrestling-Red.” Does anyone else find it interesting that the moment Scherer left 1wrestling he started to become more critical of NWA-TNA? The master of “Scherer Brilliance” never once had a bad thing to say, until he left the website which is/was owned by an employee of NWA-TNA. Coincidence? Doubtful.

Speaking of 1wrestling, our good buddy and selective wrestling historian, Jim Hall hasn’t made a peep since we slapped him around a few months ago. It seems we hurt his feelings so much that he has completely stopped writing his column. It’s too bad, because this “fountain of factual information” was such a living landmark in the internet wrestling scene. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ll truly miss him. Maybe we’ll see him pop up over on 1wrestling-Red someday. I for one can hardly wait.

Wrestling News and Views
The WWE has hired a new announcer by the name of Todd Grisham. He apparently impressed a lot of people with his knowledge and maybe making some appearances on Raw in the future. I haven’t personally heard this guy, but if it gets Jim Ross and/or Lawler off Raw, I’ll be happy. Maybe I’m the only person who actually enjoys the Coach. Or maybe it’s because I’m so sick to death of Lawler and Ross. Either way, it should be something good to break up the monotony.

Eric Bischoff recently did a radio interview on Between the Ropes where he was asked about his relationship with Ric Flair. Bischoff explains that some of the greatest and some of the worst moments have been a result of Ric Flair’s actions. He also claims that Ric Flair was not the 'patron saint' that he has been portrayed as in the wrestling business. Another person in the business believes that Flair isn’t everything the marks online and some of the boys in the back claim he is. Interesting…Funny how people started talking about Flair shortly after the HTM’s commentary a few weeks back. We’ll just call that a coincidence. (Wink, wink).

NWA-TNA mouth piece, former wrestling radio host and Survivor contestant, Jonny Fairplay was recently on CBS. He got to shill a little about NWA TNA. I must say it was good to see TNA get a little time on a national TV show. Maybe it will raise a little interest in the product. Fairplay is set to wrestle Chyna next week. Is this the best we can do? Come on guys, Chyna?! The WWE fired her for being a glory-hound and now you want to bring her in? That’s no way to improve your company. Let’s get ole’ plastic hips Roddy Piper back full time while we’re at it. That’s a success waiting to happen. Two real locker-room leaders that will no doubt drive the company to new heights… of failure. But seriously, I like NWA-TNA. I mean sometimes, anything is better than the other crap we’re being force-fed week in and week out. I just have to question their motives in bringing in people like this.

The WWE is starting their house cleaning, which usually takes place right around this time of year. Kanyon and Ernest Miller are the first two to go. Imagine that, former WCW talent that couldn’t do anything to improve their dying product 4 years ago, can’t do anything to improve the WWE’s product. I’d like to see the genius that suggested hiring some of these WCW rejects, get his ass fired. That’s where the real problem lies.

Plugs and Shrugs
and other useless crap

First and foremost, check out the scrappy new kid’s column. Remy, one of our message board admins has posted a column about Kanyon’s firing. It’s a good read, so get your ass over there and tell him what you think.

I’ve added a appearance calendar to the “Miscellaneous” section. I’ll try and keep it up to date with where the HTM will be. It’s not easy, cause it’s always changing, so deal with it.

Top 5 Bands of the moment
As if you care, yet I still feel the need...Shut up, I don't care.
1. O.A.R.
2. Dashboard Confessional
3. Weezer
4. Death Cab for Cutie
5. Bob Dylan

Top 5 Indy Wrestlers of the Moment
1. Simon Diamond… Sometimes when I’m really confused about something, I ask myself a very simple question. What would Simon Diamond do?
2. Jimmy Jacobs… Simply amazing. He’s come a long way from when I first saw him back in 2000. Not to mention his new gimmick is hysterical. But I'm a sucker for old school gimmicks on new school cats.
3. Chris Hero… I’ve only had the chance to see him in person a few times, but he’s always great to watch. I recently got a tape and he had a match on it…Again… simply amazing.
4. Gutter…Another guy who I saw somewhat early on and has transitioned into an even more phenomenal worker.
5. Kingdom James… Well I couldn’t put out this list without adding my Uncle Kingdom. Even though he doesn’t wrestle much, he’s still great on the stick. And he might kick my ass if I didn’t.

Site of the moment
www.lethalwrestling.com Go over there and tell Barbwire Mike I said hi.

Riding with Idiots
You know we get a lot of fan e-mail here at theHonkyTonkMan.com During our last run, we had a lot of fun with some of the idiot e-mails we get. So never to be one to disappoint, I give you The Idiot(s)!

From: Brian the man[originalfairhavencrew@hotmail.com]
To: honkytonkman@thehonkytonkman.com

Honky tonk man,

You are a piece of shit, i've wanted to say that you for years, you were in Eureka California a few years ago, and as you were leaving i extended my hand and you denied stating "sorry kid the shows over" and i watched as you got into your ratty ass piece of crap car, i meant to tell you off as you returned to eureka a couple of years later, but you just looked so pathetic, sitting at the autograph table with nobody coming up to your fat ass, and then what was more miserable was the fact they stoped the show half way through to pre sale monster truck tickets due to the fact that they "didn't have enough money to pay the wrestlers" i've checked in with your web site once in a while watching you diss and rip apart many of the greatest talents in the history of wrestling, where as where you stand in wrestling is a transitional intercontinental champion they were trying to push to be a main event heel but never made it, who do you think you are, i mean please, i guess you can keep talking all the shit all you want, and live in a land of pretend thinking you were something you were not, if thats what gets you up in the morning, as far as the rest of the world is concerned you were the joke they brought back to the 2001 royal rumble..because obviously drew carrey was booked up untill next year .thanks for the memories honky
Brian

Dear Brian “The Man”,

Oh my god, I about had a seizure reading this email. Some people never cease to amaze me. The whole thing appears to be one gigantic sentence or did a miss a period somewhere?

I think your story has a few holes in it, but nonetheless, it was a very nice effort. First and foremost, the Honky Tonk Man doesn’t drive his car to events. The promoters of the event handle that. So that kind of ruins the whole thing about how you “watched him get into his “ratty ass piece of crap car.”

Last, and I suppose this really doesn’t matter. But just for my sanity, wasn’t Drew Carrey in the same Royal Rumble as Honky? Hmmm.

Anyway Brian, good luck with being “The Man” and please, please, please try and learn how to type. It’s really not that difficult. Typos are okay, but for the love of everything that is fucking holy, try harder.

Love,

Ryan

Well kids, that’s all for me. Drop me an e-mail if you have comments and the like. I’ve got about 8,000 other things to do and now because I’ve spent time on this, I’m behind on everything else. Thanks a fucking lot.

Take it easy… If it’s easy, take it twice!

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