| |
Wrestling With Nostalgia
Posted by:
Sean Carless on 02/18/2004
 Going into what should be the biggest Wrestling Pay-per-view ever, Wrestlemania, (as far as significance goes anyway) the big question out there is, just how to fit in the legends who originally paved the way, onto the card itself. Hell, check any message board or forum you want, chances are there is more talk about "Nostalgia" these days then there is on whom will win between Brock Lesnar & Goldberg.
Everyone has their favorite wrestlers, ones we either idolized or loathed, and would LOVE to see them make one last return to the "Big Dance". However, not meaning to be a buzz-killer here, (OK, maybe I do mean it) but I think it's time for a "reality check" as Roddy Piper used to say (Between heaping spoonfuls of cocaine, likely). While there are countless wrestlers whom I seriously "marked-out" for as a child, seeing some of them in their current state, in a serious match, would likely sour my memory of them FOREVER. Hell, this wouldn't be your Grandfather's Rasslin' anymore...These would BE your Grandfathers! In some cases, Father Time has delivered a virtual "boot-fucking" so severe on some of my heroes, that I hardly even recognized them. I mean remember the horror last year of seeing Roddy Piper doff his leather jacket, and producing a spare tire so huge, that one would assume that he had just been the victim of the bloating effects of about 500 consecutive bee stings...And this was not even three years after he had been a semi-active wrestler!
Granted, there are certain wrestlers who transcend a "look", because quite frankly they were never cut to start with. Take Ric Flair for example, who has looked like he's been made of solid Spam for years, but still has remained an entertaining character. But usually, it's funny, because you have an image of a wrestler burned into your mind, as you always remembered them, then, often, it's shocking to see what ultimately becomes of them.
With that said, I thought I'd take a look at one wrestler in particular that remains an online topic of conversation, as far as a return at Wrestlemania goes: The Ultimate Warrior.
I don't know anyone when I was teenager who didn't abandon the ship of Hulkamania in the late 1980's for the much cooler Ultimate Warrior. He came along at the perfect time for most fans, who were getting tired of the same Hogan "schtick" night in and night out. The Warrior was appealing, because, in many cases he was like a flesh and blood, real life comic book Super Hero. Sure at times his work was sloppier than Annette Funacello eating a meatball sub, and his promos had a tendency to make less sense than an all mongoloid version of "Hamlet", but damn, if he didn't carry an intensity that was undeniable. He was "Goldberg" while Bill was still having someone piss into a cup for him so he could play in the big game. Ultimate Warrior was SO over in fact that the then WWF had little choice but to eventually position him as top babyface.
The big night was of course Wrestlemania 6, and a showdown between the biggest stars at the time climaxed, with Warrior handing Hogan, what at that point was his only clean pinfall loss, and walking out as Champion of the World Wrestling Federation. The match itself went off without a hitch, and Warrior could not have been put over any HUGER. But, then, something happened. Well, actually, nothing happened, and that was the problem. Warrior, although Champion, was completely overshadowed by Hulk Hogan, who seemingly had passed the torch at Mania, but in the interim, had secretly snatched it back, by garnering the bulk of the attention for his sympathetic feud with Earthquake (who had *broken* his ribs) while Warrior was left in a re-hashed rivalry with the late Rick Rude. Warrior for all intensive purposes should have been THE focal point, but the Orange Goblin in classic "Hulkster" fashion just would not step away from the spotlight.
Eventually, Warrior faded out of the picture, dropped the Title, and disappeared faster than the body of Jimmy Hoffa. He would make several more brief cameos in Wrestling in the ensuing eight years though. From feuding with Papa Shango in a rivalry that saw him puke more than a fat girl on prom night,followed up by a brief comeback at Wrestlemania 12 where he destroyed a certain beak-nosed future Champion in under a minute, to finally, a failed WCW stint that saw him try to overthrow the nWo by forming his own group (the admittedly pathetic oWn or One Warrior Nation) and recruiting what appeared to be a homeless Brutus "Disciple" Beefcake to his side. Not exactly a group that would set the world on fire.
With his Rasslin' days behind him, this is where the Warrior story gets interesting. First, he legally changed his name to "WARRIOR", from his birth name Jim Hellwig. I can't imagine ever handing your passport or ID to a airline worker and not having them laugh at you after that. And secondly, he's now giving extremely right-wing conservative lectures across the country. This absolutely baffles the mind, to say the least. One can just imagine him spewing the evils of the Democratic party and selling the benefits of a nation-wide flat tax, all the while snorting and pumping his hands in air, "pressing to the heavens"...
All kidding aside,and in all fairness, I only heard of these lectures through the internet, and still hadn't heard them or in fact seen the Warrior in close to 6 years, until....
I was turning the channels one day, and whom would appear on my TV but The Warrior himself, on C-Span no less! I could not believe this was the same man I had revered as a child. In that instant, my memories of the chiseled muscle man sprinting to the ring were replaced with the cold hard reality of what stood before me. Today's Warrior looks less like the man who electrified the Skydome 14 years ago, and MORE like a guy who'd sell you a dime bag and a hemp necklace from the back of his Volkswagen van. Sometimes, reality can be a cruel and harsh mistress my friends.
In closing, I choose to remember my favorites the way they should be remembered, in their primes, and capturing my imagination. Because, they did invent the term "washed up" for a reason. And I for one don't want my memories sullied by one of my aged heroes being led to the ring in a classic Wrestlemania ring-cart, not because it's a cool visual, but because they can no longer make it to the ring on their own power.
Fear the Destrucity! Warriah!
S.C.
The information in this article is exclusive property of the Honky
Tonk Man Website and cannot be used elsewhere without proper link
credit. |
