The Fall Of The Big Man?
Posted by: Sean Carless on 02/26/2004

I got to admit that when Eddie Guerrero won the WWE Title two weeks ago, part of me was shocked. There was part of me that expected it, mind you, thanks in part to the spoilers leaked around the net, but still, Eddie capturing the industries top belt was truly one of those "holy shit' moments.

Eddie made history that night becoming only the second Latino World Champion in WWF history, but even more so than that, Eddie registered in as the smallest man in WWF history to have ever won the Title.

And despite the fact that Guerrero is clearly the breakout star of the past year, I'm still surprised though that Vince did go through with it, especially considering McMahon's track record of always going back to the "Big Man" when business was bad. Call it paranoia, or perhaps Vince just couldn't see past what he himself thinks is compelling about wrestling, but, it seemed that the chances of ever seeing someone under 6'5" and 300 lbs. winning the big belt were slimmer than Jerry Lawler leaving a girl guide meeting with his pants on.

That being said, despite Vince's previous thinking, when the pinfall was counted, and Eddie was crowned as champion, it did not rain fire from the sky, and the World did not end. It simply (hopefully) ended a chapter in Wrestling history that was long over due. That being of course, the end of the reign of the big man over the rings of the WWE(F).

It's always been said that Vince was always a "mark" himself for the huge men, and always wanted to present that "larger than life" feel in person. In the cartoonish era of Wrestling we enjoyed as kids, this was indeed the case, but much like every other form of entertainment, times change and the product evolves, and while seeing someone like A-Train in person might be physically imposing, once the bell rings, the action becomes slower than an all-retard edition of Jeopardy.

Times have indeed changed, and we as fans now crave perpetual action, and the Hulk Hogan era of "I pick up things, just 'cause I can" is now passé. Let's face it, the endless parade of plodding blobs throughout the 1980's WWF were booked with Hogan's best interest in mind, probably because he was so limited in the ring, and by "slamming" these huge men, he could generate an easy "pop". However, in today's WWE, the kayfabe of weight has long been shattered, (since Shawn Michaels bodyslammed Vader in 1996 in my opinion)and feats of strength in wrestling are not as spectacular now adays, thanks in part to so many people doing it (see John Cena "FUing" Big Show). Lets face it, the appeal is over, and the big man is more exposed these days then the semen-filled body of Missy Hyatte on the web.

I think part of the problem recently has come from Jim Ross, and while there was a time when I respected Good Ol' J.R.'s talent scouting abilities (like 1996 for example) I think that he's lost his touch completely. EVERY single wrestler WWE brings up has the exact same look, and one can almost picture the likes of Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak wrapped in plastic rolling down a conveyer belt in OVW. What made the 1980's big man unique from today's crop was differing looks and gimmicks, and this sadly has given way to the Ross cookie-cutter "By-Gawd Hosses" that they are seemingly producing on a weekly basis. If you don't believe me, just watch WWE with a casual fan sometime and listen to how many times you hear the phrase "And who's this again?"

As much as we all celebrate the fact that Wrestlemania this year is being built around Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle, the fact is that it could all end at any time. Vince has done it before, and he could easily do it again, so before you put on your Benoit underoos and celebrate Eddie Guerrero as your savior, remember, one month from now we could be back to the Big Show and A-Train, and you know that will make at least one person happy, because "By Gawd, those dogs can hunt".

To close off this little rant, I thought I'd look at a few select "Hosses" that for one reason or another irritated me to no end (past and present).

A-Train: Has there ever been more of a failed experiment than Albert? Hey, I know WWE likes to throw shit against the wall and see if it sticks, but sometimes it's just time to clean up all that shit, because you're just making a big fucking mess. Honestly, I have nothing against Train, but it's time to just move on people and try something DIFFERENT. And besides, if being bald, cumbersome, and having copious amounts of body hair make you a "Superstar", then someone should market my Grandfather immediately.

Mabel: As much as fans trumpet Billy Gunn's King of The Ring win in 1999 as stupid, I raise you Mabel in 1995. Mabel was "pushed" completely for Kevin "Diesel" Nash's benefit in 1995, because quite frankly, it was difficult getting any sympathy babyface heat on a guy who's bigger than 95% of the roster. That said, Mabel was given a monster campaign towards the Title despite the fact that every time he got between the ropes he was sweating more than Brutus Beefcake trying to check his duffle bag at the airport. That, and the fact that the bulk of his "offense" was just falling on top of people.

Jon Heidenreich: Heidenreich is a former football player for the Saints, and that feat alone probably caused JR to cream in his maternity pants. To me though, Heidenreich represents everything I despise about Vince's WWE. He's a clumsy fuck, who actually makes Kevin Nash look like Lou Thesz in comparison. Couple that with the fact that he physically resembles a giant butter-basted turkey and you can perhaps understand my disdain. The fact that WWE released a statement saying they see "big things" in him just proves how out of touch they truly were. Although, I do think he deserves a "push" though....off a fucking cliff.

These three aren't the only ones on my list, but they pretty much encompass the archetype I despise most. But, you know, rather than dwelling on the past, I'll instead enjoy the moment we have right now, and secretly keep my fingers crossed, that like a Roddy Piper bout of sobriety, it doesn't just all end tomorrow.

Sean "By Gawd" Carless.

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